It's funny to me to look back on my life and think about how my perspective has changed.
The other day Heidi was telling me about how she got an egg yolk separator thing for Christmas and how excited she was. I started thinking about how i got a sewing machine and poor Bethany got hand towels. With the exception of Bethany we were really excited about these "grown up/ mom" type gifts. Weird. When did i stop liking Amy Grant t-shirts? (don't worry i still like almost everything else about her).
My perspective has also changed in how I now relate more to the perspective of being a parent then a child (no, this does not mean i'm pregnant...just closer to that age group).
Lately i've been thinking about what all i do want to accomplish before i have kids...after reading Becky's Blog I feel better about that upcoming (i stress this is upcoming as in NOT near future) event. Like every good girl i do want to have kids someday and look forward to the joys of being a mom, but I also don't want to give up "the good life". I love my job, ok with the exception of this week. I love it just being Trevor and our dogs in the house. I love having time to read (looking for a great book?--check out the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers...oh so good). I love having time to paint, sew, and various other "art". I love "me" time.
Plus i feel like i have to get all of the things that i want to accomplish done before we have kids. I want to travel more. I want to become a famous (in relative terms) painter. I want to further my career and explore aspects that are interesting to me. I want to learn to speak French, did i mention travel? I want to.... ok so that list can go on for a bit.
The point i was trying to make (yes, i had one) is that I don't know what the change will be like when we have kids so i'm scared of what i'll have to give up. (mom--this is where you insert your, "Someday you'll know little caterpillar," comment.)
Things i know:
-"Your life will completely change." --I find this vague and unhelpful
-"It's the hardest thing and the best thing" ---um, is that good?
-"It will keep you from being selfish."---yea that one worries me, i like my "selfish time"...ok so it will be good for me, yea, yea, yea.
-"Don't rush into having kids." also known as "Plenty of time for that later." or "You don't need to be in any rush."----these comments make me wonder what they aren't saying---like there is some code "don't tell them how bad it is or they won't do it" or something like that....sketchy.
Things i do know:
Yea no experience here. So i observe ALL (with 1 or 2 exceptions) my friends with their kids and think back on my childhood and wonder what it will really be like.
Ok blog word, here are my thoughts. Once again check out Becky's blog which gave me hope (of course technically she has NO real experience with this yet either...for another couple months at least).
Things change. I hate change.
That's the thing about life...change is inevitable. Just have to trust God that it's for the best....though it sure would be nice to know what we were getting into sometimes.
Someday you'll know little caterpillar.....someday you'll know.
6 comments:
Very honest, I like it...I think most women felt that way before kids or still feel that way,(even if they don't admit it, I have my sneaky suspicions) I have a definite freak out tendency, but I like to relate it to the freak outs I had before getting married, before I met Jeremiah marriage scared me, I had a "to do list before marriage" that seemed very valid at the time, but now I look back and think what was I thinking, I feel like I can't imagine life without Jeremiah, even though at the begining marriage was such a big adjustment, he is such a big part of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. So I hope and pray that this little one in my belly will be the same way, I want to feel like "what did I ever do without her" I'm not saying you have to have children but if you want me to bear the honest truth of it all to you after she is born, I will. haha But I will tell you this even though I am only pregnant and haven't met her, I can't imagine my life without her. God is giving me what I need, and he always will, that is the only thing I know. And it's exciting to have to rely on God as much as I have.
Ok sorry for the lengthy responce but I figure since my blog was referenced and all I could take out a huge chunk of space for my comment. Love you silly caterpillar
Oh and I still have good intentions of becoming a famous painter after she is born, I figure if my mom mom could be a sucessful artist with 8 kids I can totally do this.
Don't worry Briana.
God will guide you. While Uncle Doug was in his last year of Seminary....SURPRISE...Katie :)
Once we had her why not keep going...have a Becky...just for you, of course. And Megan...well Rex needed a best buddy.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...
Love you,
Aunt Ginnie
I love my Aunt Ginnie!
*thanks for admitting that Becky was born just for me...my suspisions have been confirmed!
don't tell Jeremiah though...he might get jealous.
Hey Briana, I don't know if you remember me, but I met you through Jenn Hambrick. I love this post...your honesty. I always said "I'll never have kids" but here I am with 2 of them, what a blessing. I love my "selfish times" too. Man, I miss the time when I had uninterrupted adult conversations and the times we could just run out and get some coffee together, but I'd never give up parenthood for anything. I've gained a new appreciation for my own mom and for other influencial people in my life. Your children are not meant to be the center of your life, but an added blessing. I've only met you a couple times but you'll be a GREAT mom! It's okay to be scared, I still am, but that's where God comes in, doing something extraordinary through us that we cannot do on our own...
oh my beautiful butterfly...at some point you can put too much thought into the life before you. As far as what you may have to give up....think about what you gave up to get married...but all that you gained! The same will be true when God blesses you with a little Trevor or little Briana, or both (maybe not at one time though). When you hold that precious life in your arms there will be no greater joy to experience on this earth. Will some difficult times accompany that, absolutely....but as in all of life, you press on, God's grace is sufficient for all we encounter. There is no greater investment of your time than to invest in the nurture and training of YOUR child...and the rewards are unending. It is one of the most exhausting (physically and emotionally) and rewarding times of your life...isn't it great how God balances it all out.
Once you get in a routine you will find it easier to do some of the things that YOU enjoyed prior to "the big change", granted,on a much smaller scale but you will find a way to do "Briana" things". And believe me, the time will pass quickly and then you'll be wondering what to do with all the time on your hands. But never fear, God will guide you there also. Once you hold that precious life in your arms you will not be able to imagine life without him or her.
So focus not, my little butterfly, on what you think you will lose, but on All you will gain with this blessing.
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