not so brief update

Most of you know me well enough that the mere fact that I am pregnant explains my lack of blogging. And if you don't know me that well, now you do. ;) That said, we have had some eventful weeks here in the Taylor house that deserve a good update. Hold on to your horses...this could take a while. Or not, since I'm pregnantly unpredictable. And yes, that is grammatically correct. (ahem)

Ok, let me recap.

The weekend of September 17th, I went on a girls weekend in Atlanta with my good pals, Emily, Heidi and Trish. In theory this would have been wonderful, relaxing, fun and such a good break. However, I was a 7 week pregnant sick mess. So let's summarize it as..... ok maybe i shouldn't even summarize it, nothing positive is coming to mind. Let's just say, I survived. My friends were very understanding but there is just only so much activity and food and shopping you can be a good sport for when you feel horrible. There was not much enjoying. Sigh. You win some you lose some. Anyway so that weekend wiped me out. Oh my goodness I was so exhausted. So, then my already maxed-out pregnant body decided to catch a bad head cold. This was the beginning of the month of suffering. Man, i'm even under-exaggerating on that one...shew.

Ok, so

week of sept 17: intense morning (all day) sickness and bad head cold.

this led to a severe hives outbreak. And when i say severe, I mean, i can't touch my fingers to my thumbs and can barely walk because my hands and feet are so swollen. Covered in hives. Miserable and helpless now since I am unable to use my hands or walk.

Ok, so

week of sept 17: intense morning (all day) sickness and bad head cold.

week of sept 25: intense morning sickness, head cold and severe hives outbreak

the doctor prescribed....Zyrtec since I couldn't get the steroid shot they would normally give me because of being pregnant. So it took 5 days for the hives and swelling to go down. But they did. Finally, they did.

Then on September 29th, just when the hives were starting to get manageable...I got a call that my dad's dad, Grandaddy fell down their brick steps outside their home, hit his head on them and was in a coma, not expected to recover. He passed away that evening. I intend to do a moving tribute to him on another post. I'll just say that even though we could see the Lord's hand in his passing, man it is hard. I'm going to miss him so much. Being so sick it was hard because I just wasn't physically able to grieve the way I wanted to. I also wasn't able to go home...

Ok, so

week of sept 17: intense morning (all day) sickness and bad head cold.

week of sept 25: intense morning sickness, head cold and severe hives outbreak

week of october 3: intense morning sickness, recovering from head cold and hives, and grieving my Grandaddy

Trev was and continues to be a huge help, honestly I wouldn't make it through this without him. My friends have stepped up and helped out too, especially Emily, gold star to her. Mom came down on the 5th to help out too.

Thursday night the 6th I was laying on the couch (where you can find me 98% of the time these days) and it felt like my water broke. I rushed up stairs to find so much blood I couldn't think of any explanation besides a miscarriage. Thankfully I had been in to the doctor the week before (because of the hives complication) and had gotten an ultrasound, which showed a rather large blood clot on my uterus. So, when I called the nurse at 9pm she was able to talk me through what was to be expected if it was the blood clot versus a miscarriage. Let's just say it was borderline. I honestly didn't know if i should wake up Trev to make him take me to the emergency room. I'll spare you more details, but it was super scary.

So I held out and we went to the doctor first thing in the morning. The baby was ok, but the clot was huge, larger then the baby and there was a fair chance that the baby wouldn't survive....so far so good, but as the doctor said, "it could go either way." So we spent a stressful/exhausted weekend at home praying non stop. I went back to the doctor yesterday for another ultrasound and thank the Lord the baby is still fine and growing on schedule. The clot is bigger than it was, but the doctor said that it can fluctuate a good deal so that's not unusual.

So, we aren't in the clear until that clot either decides to re-absorb (best case scenario) or shed, (which could lead to a miscarriage). Only time will tell. But, the doctor doesn't need to see me for 2 weeks so we are prayerfully optimistic at this point.

Mom headed back today, and Trev started a big 2 month (overtime included) project at work so we are living on God's grace every day.

You know, the past month has been the worst of my life. No joke. There has been so much suffering, physically, emotionally and mentally and man have I been crying out to God. It has been awful. But it is encouraging to see how God has managed it so that it was never too much. Of course my idea of too much has had some adjusting... But the cold subsided just a little, before I got the hives, which subsided just a little before we found out about Grandaddy, and we had some time to grieve before the miscarriage-scare. And now, I am feeling maybe 2% better now that Mom's gone and Trev's working more.

I'm praying and waiting for the day when God takes away the worry of the clot, the morning sickness and the stress, and I feel....good. Sometimes it feels like I'm waiting for heaven, but I'm thankful for (gulp) this time of suffering. I hope to see some fruits from it, both in the lovely face of our little one, and in whatever lessons the Lord is teaching me...I have some idea what those may be too...

I've been reading a lot of scripture these days, I'm especially fond of Hebrews 12: 1-12 and I'm working on James 1: 2-18...I'm not quite able to consider all this suffering "pure joy"....but I can see God's grace and working through it. That's something right there.

Ok, there you have it folks. Prayers are appreciated. Love to you all.